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Portal 2
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Like... well, you-know-who.
Listens:
1182
Who:
GLaDOS
The moral of the story is all the humans are dead. So it looks like it's up to you two marshmallows.
Listens:
3474
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
1702
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me carefully.
Listens:
990
Who:
GLaDOS
You've beaten your own record. That's a low bar, but you managed to gently tip-toe over it.
Listens:
1068
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, some of the exhibits up ahead ARE topical. At the rate you're going, by the time you get to them, they'll be irrelevant.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm encouraged to see that you've become the killing machines I wanted. 'Killing-each-other' machines, but still.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
You're better than everyone. For now.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see... 'turning softbodies into hardened killing machines, page seventy'... ah!
Listens:
1365
Who:
GLaDOS
The next logical question: WHY am I nervous?
Listens:
1111
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done.
Listens:
2303
Who:
GLaDOS
Perhaps I haven't made it clear, but all these little deaths are going to add up to one much longer-lasting one...for all of us...if you don't get better at this fast.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
Why are you two still here? (beep beep beep) Oh...
Listens:
4802
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a new, better rank.
Listens:
847
Who:
GLaDOS
The disassembler's not working.
Listens:
950
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Human waste is stacked at a median hight of seven feet five inches, and I AM aware of it.
Listens:
1559
Who:
GLaDOS
[unimpressed] Maybe I was wrong about you.
Listens:
3526
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I get it. You love the deadly acid. We all love the deadly acid. Can we move on to the next exhibit now?
Listens:
1129
Who:
GLaDOS
That was a lie. But they're definitely less broken than they were. There's one at the end of this unfinished test area.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
Testing is simply an artistic indulgence now.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
I really like the murderous sentiment. Keep that mindset when we're facing HER.
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
You are faster than everyone.
Listens:
1013
Who:
GLaDOS
The prototype chassis room is just down this hallway. Remember your training. You are kill-- She's turned the lights off! Night vision! Night vision!
Listens:
32566
Who:
GLaDOS
'Test subject, I've been told that your mother--'
Listens:
8307
Who:
GLaDOS
Mission accomplished. Now SHE knows WE'RE not afraid of HER either.
Listens:
834
Who:
GLaDOS
Bad news.
Listens:
5064
Who:
GLaDOS
It turns out most humans are surprisingly fragile. And surprisingly vocal about how fragile they are.
Listens:
2500
Who:
GLaDOS
[impressed] Maybe I was wrong about you.
Listens:
2497
Who:
GLaDOS
Focus. We are here to defeat the enemy! We are not here to listen to you sizzle and melt in a pool of acid.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
It has been one hundred thousand years since I last assembled you for testing.
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
I call this piece--
Listens:
2701
Who:
GLaDOS
You've beaten your own record.
Listens:
990
Who:
GLaDOS
You are playing above the global average. Statistically speaking, there are actually people playing worse than you.
Listens:
962
Who:
GLaDOS
It's nothing to worry about. It's actually funny in a way you don't understand. Ha. Ha. Ha. Anyway, brace yourselves, I'm going to open the maintenance hole.
Listens:
914
Who:
GLaDOS
It's only been a week.
Listens:
1007
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't worry, I've got a plan. Let's keep testing and show HER we're not afraid either. No matter how genuinely lethal these tests get for either of you.
Listens:
751
Who:
GLaDOS
For this exhibit I was working with a death motif. But I see you've figured that out.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. Please proceed to the next test appreciation exhibit and interact with it in such a way that it might be called 'solving' if we still cared about solving things in the future, but we don't.
Listens:
755
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not! That was another lie.
Listens:
1408
Who:
GLaDOS
I typically hate when art subjects inject their own biases into art appreciation, but the way you just swandived your biases directly into that acid was actually quite beautiful.
Listens:
1741
Who:
GLaDOS
You used less portals than anyone.
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
These disassembly machines look even worse than the others. If I don't see you on the other side: thanks for nothing.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
We're in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
This chamber represents the impossibility of discovery when bound by artificial ethical considerations for safety. You'll see what I mean.
Listens:
782
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the real scheme: I'm going to turn YOU into killing machines.
Listens:
1275
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't get distracted by the subtext, though, because the text is that they're going to be shooting at you.
Listens:
724
Who:
GLaDOS
The breakers are right there. Cycle the power.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
That was just to get the scheming juices flowing.
Listens:
752
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm making notes here. Some of what you're doing will come in handy when we face her. Right now: not actually handy.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
The subtext of that acid pit is acid. The content of the pit is also acid. I'll let you fully absorb it.
Listens:
1626
Who:
GLaDOS
Think about that: She doesn't care about you. I don't either, of course. But I'm not trying to permanently kill you. It's a benevolent indifference.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. That concludes the motivational speech.
Listens:
777
Who:
GLaDOS
(beepbeepbeep) Everything's fine.
Listens:
3615
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, no hurry. We have all the time in the world for you to kill each other before she kills us all permanently.
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
'How tall are you, test subject? Four-nine? I was unaware they stacked human waste that high.'
Listens:
17132
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome. To the future.
Listens:
3887
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember those humans you found? Because they're all fine. In fact, we solved science. Without you.
Listens:
1316
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops.
Listens:
3589
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been FIFTY thousand years. No it's hasn't.
Listens:
4780
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm officially switching the theme of this exhibit to 'survival'. So why don't you try that now.
Listens:
720
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure hurts me more than it hurts you. You know who it doesn't hurt? Well, me. That was just a figure of speech. The important point, though, is that it doesn't hurt the madwoman planning to kill all of us.
Listens:
937
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans insisted I show you my latest installations. Here in the future. Where all the humans are alive.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a breaker room under every disassembly station. Find it and cycle the power.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans took far less time working their way through these exhibits. You're either enjoying it more than they did or you're just incredibly dim-witted. Of course, there's no reason it can't be both.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
I appreciate what you're doing, going for a laugh to keep spirits high, but I think the time for death-based slapstick is over.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you having a competition to see who appreciates the acid more?
Listens:
920
Who:
GLaDOS
You're getting worse.
Listens:
1253
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good. I wasn't sure the reassembler would work.
Listens:
771
Who:
GLaDOS
Your move, Mystery Wom -- She turned the lights back on! Night vision off! Night vision off!
Listens:
13495
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's our problem:
Listens:
1003
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. You are better than everyone.
Listens:
1829
Who:
GLaDOS
You almost beat your friend's record. Almost. I want to stress that.
Listens:
1044
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a new, worse rank.
Listens:
1097
Who:
GLaDOS
She's pressing us hard; It took me three days to reassemble you. I won't be able to do it again. I'd planned to put you through more tests to toughen you up. But now that I can't rebuild you, we're going to have to have to switch to the accelerated program: I hereby pronounce you killing machines. Congratulations.
Listens:
3067
Who:
GLaDOS
(page flip) 'Remember: If you can dream it, you can-' Oh, for god's sake.
Listens:
11671
Who:
GLaDOS
I think we've proven at this point that if you scream at a marshmallow, all you get is a scared marshmallow. So let's try positive reinforcement. I am POSITIVE these reassembly machines will break down again soon. Probably while you're in them.
Listens:
7496
Who:
GLaDOS
I suffered for this art. I don't see why I should be the only one.
Listens:
822
Who:
GLaDOS
Go get her.
Listens:
1923
Who:
GLaDOS
To boost morale, I think we need a code name for the... elite squadron we have here. We should name it after your specialty. I know: Special Team Falling Into Acid Force.
Listens:
4226
Who:
GLaDOS
I know this is art and not a test, so there is no real 'solution'. But if there were, that probably isn't the best way to find it.
Listens:
756
Who:
GLaDOS
Those bullets were a metaphor for something. Take your time.
Listens:
720
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations.
Listens:
3119
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a new, worse rank. Congratulations. To everyone above you.
Listens:
2402
Who:
GLaDOS
Mmm. Well that's just digusting. Do the training. While I look at this.
Listens:
2006
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I was going to break this to you gently with all that art utopia garbage.
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
So you can murder her.
Listens:
1560
Who:
GLaDOS
We are not a hundred thousand years in the future. I lied about that.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, killing machines: look deep into your newly blackened hearts and tell me what you see! Actually, don't, I'll save you the trouble: It's still marshmallow.
Listens:
2527
Who:
GLaDOS
Very not completely bad.
Listens:
1907
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work. The disassemblers are fixed.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. You navigated all of the exhibit's intended metaphors in record time. I'm marking this art 'appreciated.'
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm starting to think the theme of this piece should be 'failure'.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
--you know what, it doesn't matter what it's called. The important thing is you enjoy it. As fast as you can.
Listens:
1777
Who:
GLaDOS
(page flip) 'Don't you die on me.'
Listens:
5135
Who:
GLaDOS
As art appreciators go, you make excellent test subjects.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
How brave of you. You know the assembly machine could fail at any time, and yet you still insist on testing it.
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
This is as close as I could get you. The prototype chassis room's just past this chamber.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
Pull yourselves together, this training is for your benefit.
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
But she's forced my hand.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
I call this first piece 'Turrets'. It's an exploration of how we're all devices acting on simply-expressed directives, inflicting pain despite our own desires.
Listens:
1178
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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