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The prototype chassis room is just down this hallway. Remember your training. You are kill-- She's turned the lights off! Night vision! Night vision!
Listens:
31809
Who:
GLaDOS
I lie when I'm nervous.
Listens:
25860
Who:
GLaDOS
'How tall are you, test subject? Four-nine? I was unaware they stacked human waste that high.'
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16825
Who:
GLaDOS
Your move, Mystery Wom -- She turned the lights back on! Night vision off! Night vision off!
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13231
Who:
GLaDOS
(page flip) 'Remember: If you can dream it, you can-' Oh, for god's sake.
Listens:
11412
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember, these exhibits ARE interactive. Like a children's museum. So that means the pits of acid are filled with REAL acid. Like at a WELL FUNDED children's museum.
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8617
Who:
GLaDOS
'Test subject, I've been told that your mother--'
Listens:
8050
Who:
GLaDOS
I think we've proven at this point that if you scream at a marshmallow, all you get is a scared marshmallow. So let's try positive reinforcement. I am POSITIVE these reassembly machines will break down again soon. Probably while you're in them.
Listens:
7323
Who:
GLaDOS
(page flip) 'No guts. No glory.' Well, you don't have either, so that's accurate.
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6156
Who:
GLaDOS
(page flip) 'Don't you die on me.'
Listens:
5028
Who:
GLaDOS
Bad news.
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4914
Who:
GLaDOS
Why are you two still here? (beep beep beep) Oh...
Listens:
4675
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been FIFTY thousand years. No it's hasn't.
Listens:
4657
Who:
GLaDOS
To boost morale, I think we need a code name for the... elite squadron we have here. We should name it after your specialty. I know: Special Team Falling Into Acid Force.
Listens:
4139
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome. To the future.
Listens:
3740
Who:
GLaDOS
(beepbeepbeep) Everything's fine.
Listens:
3515
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops.
Listens:
3428
Who:
GLaDOS
[unimpressed] Maybe I was wrong about you.
Listens:
3420
Who:
GLaDOS
The moral of the story is all the humans are dead. So it looks like it's up to you two marshmallows.
Listens:
3383
Who:
GLaDOS
That was genuinely mildly impressive.
Listens:
3373
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations.
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3050
Who:
GLaDOS
She's pressing us hard; It took me three days to reassemble you. I won't be able to do it again. I'd planned to put you through more tests to toughen you up. But now that I can't rebuild you, we're going to have to have to switch to the accelerated program: I hereby pronounce you killing machines. Congratulations.
Listens:
3006
Who:
GLaDOS
I call this piece--
Listens:
2616
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, killing machines: look deep into your newly blackened hearts and tell me what you see! Actually, don't, I'll save you the trouble: It's still marshmallow.
Listens:
2452
Who:
GLaDOS
It turns out most humans are surprisingly fragile. And surprisingly vocal about how fragile they are.
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2397
Who:
GLaDOS
[impressed] Maybe I was wrong about you.
Listens:
2395
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a new, worse rank. Congratulations. To everyone above you.
Listens:
2304
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done.
Listens:
2241
Who:
GLaDOS
Mmm. Well that's just digusting. Do the training. While I look at this.
Listens:
1909
Who:
GLaDOS
Go get her.
Listens:
1858
Who:
GLaDOS
Very not completely bad.
Listens:
1819
Who:
GLaDOS
Impressive.
Listens:
1806
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. You are better than everyone.
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1764
Who:
GLaDOS
--you know what, it doesn't matter what it's called. The important thing is you enjoy it. As fast as you can.
Listens:
1695
Who:
GLaDOS
I typically hate when art subjects inject their own biases into art appreciation, but the way you just swandived your biases directly into that acid was actually quite beautiful.
Listens:
1690
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
1642
Who:
GLaDOS
The subtext of that acid pit is acid. The content of the pit is also acid. I'll let you fully absorb it.
Listens:
1580
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Human waste is stacked at a median hight of seven feet five inches, and I AM aware of it.
Listens:
1498
Who:
GLaDOS
So you can murder her.
Listens:
1490
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure. That was cruel. Though basically accurate. Though probably counterproductive.
Listens:
1472
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not! That was another lie.
Listens:
1339
Who:
GLaDOS
There's an old prototype chassis around here. Someone's found it, connected themselves to it, and is trying to take over MY facility.
Listens:
1326
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember those humans you found? Because they're all fine. In fact, we solved science. Without you.
Listens:
1280
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see... 'turning softbodies into hardened killing machines, page seventy'... ah!
Listens:
1266
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the real scheme: I'm going to turn YOU into killing machines.
Listens:
1219
Who:
GLaDOS
You're getting worse.
Listens:
1196
Who:
GLaDOS
Like... well, you-know-who.
Listens:
1153
Who:
GLaDOS
I call this first piece 'Turrets'. It's an exploration of how we're all devices acting on simply-expressed directives, inflicting pain despite our own desires.
Listens:
1145
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I get it. You love the deadly acid. We all love the deadly acid. Can we move on to the next exhibit now?
Listens:
1085
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a new rank.
Listens:
1068
Who:
GLaDOS
You almost beat your friend's record. But you didn't. It might be easier just to find new friends.
Listens:
1056
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a new, worse rank.
Listens:
1041
Who:
GLaDOS
The next logical question: WHY am I nervous?
Listens:
1039
Who:
GLaDOS
You almost beat your friend's record. Almost. I want to stress that.
Listens:
1015
Who:
GLaDOS
I call this one 'Smash'. It's an early work of primitive expression. I'm a little embarrassed at how crude it is. Still, it will smash you.
Listens:
1009
Who:
GLaDOS
You've beaten your own record. That's a low bar, but you managed to gently tip-toe over it.
Listens:
989
Who:
GLaDOS
It looks like our mystery woman in the prototype chassis is sending us a message: She's not AFRAID of me.
Listens:
977
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me carefully.
Listens:
951
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's our problem:
Listens:
941
Who:
GLaDOS
You've beaten your own record.
Listens:
940
Who:
GLaDOS
You are faster than everyone.
Listens:
939
Who:
GLaDOS
It's only been a week.
Listens:
935
Who:
GLaDOS
You are playing above the global average. Statistically speaking, there are actually people playing worse than you.
Listens:
915
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure hurts me more than it hurts you. You know who it doesn't hurt? Well, me. That was just a figure of speech. The important point, though, is that it doesn't hurt the madwoman planning to kill all of us.
Listens:
904
Who:
GLaDOS
The disassembler's not working.
Listens:
878
Who:
GLaDOS
We are not a hundred thousand years in the future. I lied about that.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
It's nothing to worry about. It's actually funny in a way you don't understand. Ha. Ha. Ha. Anyway, brace yourselves, I'm going to open the maintenance hole.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you having a competition to see who appreciates the acid more?
Listens:
853
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans took far less time working their way through these exhibits. You're either enjoying it more than they did or you're just incredibly dim-witted. Of course, there's no reason it can't be both.
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
You used less portals than anyone.
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831
Who:
GLaDOS
Think about that: She doesn't care about you. I don't either, of course. But I'm not trying to permanently kill you. It's a benevolent indifference.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
Focus. We are here to defeat the enemy! We are not here to listen to you sizzle and melt in a pool of acid.
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
Mission accomplished. Now SHE knows WE'RE not afraid of HER either.
Listens:
790
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a new, better rank.
Listens:
787
Who:
GLaDOS
But she's forced my hand.
Listens:
783
Who:
GLaDOS
I suffered for this art. I don't see why I should be the only one.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
We're in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
762
Who:
GLaDOS
You're better than everyone. For now.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. Please proceed to the next test appreciation exhibit and interact with it in such a way that it might be called 'solving' if we still cared about solving things in the future, but we don't.
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't worry, I've got a plan. Let's keep testing and show HER we're not afraid either. No matter how genuinely lethal these tests get for either of you.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm starting to think the theme of this piece should be 'failure'.
Listens:
712
Who:
GLaDOS
This chamber represents the impossibility of discovery when bound by artificial ethical considerations for safety. You'll see what I mean.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. That concludes the motivational speech.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good. I wasn't sure the reassembler would work.
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
I know this is art and not a test, so there is no real 'solution'. But if there were, that probably isn't the best way to find it.
Listens:
700
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, some of the exhibits up ahead ARE topical. At the rate you're going, by the time you get to them, they'll be irrelevant.
Listens:
699
Who:
GLaDOS
I really like the murderous sentiment. Keep that mindset when we're facing HER.
Listens:
696
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm officially switching the theme of this exhibit to 'survival'. So why don't you try that now.
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
That was just to get the scheming juices flowing.
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
It's one week later, we are in a lot of trouble, and you really, really need to get those disassemblers back on.
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm encouraged to see that you've become the killing machines I wanted. 'Killing-each-other' machines, but still.
Listens:
692
Who:
GLaDOS
These disassembly machines look even worse than the others. If I don't see you on the other side: thanks for nothing.
Listens:
690
Who:
GLaDOS
I've spent the last week attempting to turn one of those humans you found into a killing machine.
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. You navigated all of the exhibit's intended metaphors in record time. I'm marking this art 'appreciated.'
Listens:
687
Who:
GLaDOS
Those bullets were a metaphor for something. Take your time.
Listens:
685
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans insisted I show you my latest installations. Here in the future. Where all the humans are alive.
Listens:
685
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't get distracted by the subtext, though, because the text is that they're going to be shooting at you.
Listens:
684
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I was going to break this to you gently with all that art utopia garbage.
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
It has been one hundred thousand years since I last assembled you for testing.
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, no hurry. We have all the time in the world for you to kill each other before she kills us all permanently.
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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